Reflection

As I sat on my bed alone away from my fandom and real life, I have realized that for the past years I have been  paying attention to my needs and wants only. Yes I am aware that my parents are already getting old but that's it. I didn't have the sincere feeling of acknowledging what they have done and their sacrifices for me , for our family. Most of the time I get mad  and curse them in my mind whenever they scold me. I also take most of their scolding in a negative perspective.

Yesterday my mom started to feel numbness on her right arm and knowing that she had history of having angina and add it up that she has edema in her lower extremeties, I was really worried and frightened. I know that everyone of us will have our time to leave the earth but right now I'm not ready yet to lose my mom or anyone in my family [my pop has a cardiovascular disease as well. He had angioplasty 4 years ago]. I'm actually having a bargain with God. I am willing to give up my happiness and my selfish dreams..just don't take anyone from my family yet.

With these problems coming in our way, my parents' words started to knock me off

Be mature and responsible. Your father and I will not be forever around in this world

 I'm really afraid . I don't know whom am I gonna let all my feelings out so I just decided to pour everything in this blog. I have a BFF but I don't want her to be dragged with my problems. I am earnestly praying that Lord will hear my heart out.